can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
