I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
