he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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