Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
