....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
