i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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