Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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