I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
