Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
