There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
