it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
