I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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