hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
