We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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