I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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