Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
