Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
