look no pants
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
