I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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