so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't deserve a penis
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
