Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
