my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
