I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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