I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
