We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
