i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
