Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
