My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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