Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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