This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
