Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
