I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
