Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
