she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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