my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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