i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
