So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
pray to the hookup gods
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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