Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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