New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
