Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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