my phone needs a breathalizer
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My bed smells like the plague
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
