She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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