i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
