Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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