Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
