i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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