i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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