I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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