We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
