By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
