Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
