she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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