Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize