Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
