Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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