Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
