it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
