a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
