Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
