life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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