i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Life is so much better after having sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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