dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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