I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
