Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
