your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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