these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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