If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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