She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
