i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
