it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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