it's too hot outside to masturbate.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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