its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
