OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
