we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
