She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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