Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Drunk is not a location!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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