my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
