In the future we'll all be gay
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
