she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
