Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
