If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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